I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
