By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
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I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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