This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
