I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
