my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
