I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
