if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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