if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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