its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
