i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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