Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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