So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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