fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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