I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
