There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
