Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
