The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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