after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
