Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
