I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.