Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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