Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
