i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
