just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
