I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
