TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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