loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
