There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
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I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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