Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
