So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
