forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
