My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
