who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
