I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
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She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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