I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
