I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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