Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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