She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
