So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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