We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
