my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
