Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize