he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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