oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
