then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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