Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
