I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My ass is underappreciated
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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