I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
