i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
its liver damage thursday
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
