just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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