I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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