After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
