Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
