We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
