My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Umm I'm too high to move.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
