I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
