you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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