So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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