I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
