I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
